Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Greiving

I've been through the most horrible thing a parent can experience. The loss of a child. My precious baby Liam died on March 14th. I had a very serious complication during the pregnancy, he was stillborn at 20 weeks gestation.

Physically speaking, it was a freak of nature and I am fine. The doctors say there is no reason to think that I will not be able to carry another baby to term. Mentally...well, I have good days and bad. I know that if I didn't have Phoebe to care for things would be much worse. I've got to hold myself together for her sake.

Just when I think that I'm in a good place something will happen. Phoebe will ask where Peanut is. I will see someone I haven't seen since he died and they feel the need to ask about it. I got a sympathy card in the mail from the funeral home. That really hurt. It still does. I understand that they were trying to be kind. But to send the card more than two months after he died is just hurtful. Honestly it was like he died all over again. I'm considering calling them to say something to that effect. Just to save someone else the pain, so it won't happen again.

Mike has been so good to me. He is hurting too, but is so strong for me. He said that if I don't feel that I can chance having another baby he will get a vasectomy. I told him we should wait a while before making such a big decision. I don't know how I feel about that yet. I don't know how long it will take me to even consider it.

We have had such great support from friends and family. A couple of my friends have gone through this, so they understand exactly how I'm feeling. They have been a tremendous help to me. I'm grateful for all of the prayers being said on my behalf. Sometimes I just can't find it in me to pray. So I'm glad someone else can do it for me.

So here is my precious boy. William "Liam" Edward.






My God bless him and keep him.