Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I've been through the most horrible thing a parent can experience. The loss of a child. My precious baby Liam died on March 14th. I had a very serious complication during the pregnancy, he was stillborn at 20 weeks gestation.

Physically speaking, it was a freak of nature and I am fine. The doctors say there is no reason to think that I will not be able to carry another baby to term. Mentally...well, I have good days and bad. I know that if I didn't have Phoebe to care for things would be much worse. I've got to hold myself together for her sake.

Just when I think that I'm in a good place something will happen. Phoebe will ask where Peanut is. I will see someone I haven't seen since he died and they feel the need to ask about it. I got a sympathy card in the mail from the funeral home. That really hurt. It still does. I understand that they were trying to be kind. But to send the card more than two months after he died is just hurtful. Honestly it was like he died all over again. I'm considering calling them to say something to that effect. Just to save someone else the pain, so it won't happen again.

Mike has been so good to me. He is hurting too, but is so strong for me. He said that if I don't feel that I can chance having another baby he will get a vasectomy. I told him we should wait a while before making such a big decision. I don't know how I feel about that yet. I don't know how long it will take me to even consider it.

We have had such great support from friends and family. A couple of my friends have gone through this, so they understand exactly how I'm feeling. They have been a tremendous help to me. I'm grateful for all of the prayers being said on my behalf. Sometimes I just can't find it in me to pray. So I'm glad someone else can do it for me.

So here is my precious boy. William "Liam" Edward.

My God bless him and keep him.


Amy said...

You're always in my prayers, Tiffani. He is absolutely beautiful and will always be in your heart and in all those that love you. Lots of hugs and love your way.

Dana said...

Know that he's resting in the arms of angels and I hope that brings you peace.

I'm here if you need me!!

Anonymous said...

Tiffani, my heart is aching for you... Thank you for sharing Liam's picture. He will not be forgotten - ever. Just like my *angel baby*. God knows every one of them and keeps them until we meet them face to face.

So sorry that you thought the card from the funeral home to be hurtful, and that it caused additional pain. I wonder if the idea was to be _thoughtful_...? I mean, everybody showers a grieving person with cards and flowers at the time of the loss, and then life goes on for everyone else, and often we somewhat "forget", because the empty spot is not always right in front of us, like it is for the family of the deceased. So some people actually feel it might be more thoughtful to wait with cards and such, until such a time when the stream of cards, flowers and meals has dried up a bit, to show that they care and still think of you. Of course I don't know what the deal is... maybe their office is a bit slow, but maybe they thought it would do you good to know that people remember, and still think of you, and care.
Praying that you can rest in God's love - He's there, even when you don't have the strength or will to breathe a prayer or read the Bible.

Lisa said...

i'm so sorry for your loss. i can sympathize fully. We lost a son in a full term still birth. my story is on my blog, if you care to read it. God bless you, and give you great peace.